February's Shiver
Hopping Up and Down, Waiting for Our Precious Spring...

"There are no specialists in compassion. Every human being possesses some measure of ability to care. Compassion is not confined to any age. A 5-year-old girl came home from visiting in the house where her little friend had died. 'Why did you go?' questioned her father. 'To comfort her mother.' was the little girl's reply. 'What could you do to comfort her?' 'I climbed into her lap and cried with her.'"- March 5, 1994, the Seattle Times, Rev. Dale Turner

February arrived with yet another challenge. Click on the astronauts' picture and it will take you to an article about the crew, all of them in their forties.

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.- T.S.Eliot

Life is complicated, and yet so very, very simple. It is important to watch your speed, and yet it is also important to pursue life with abandon...



Click on the pictures...

A study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ - depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

And if she is menstruating she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.

What kind of man are you attracted to??

Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home:

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble crapping?"
"No, I crap every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so tough about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00."

The NY Times had an interesting article about meditation's affect on mood. It included references about "mood set points" that may be somewhat genetic but that can be measured and apparently changed with meditation and some other practices.

If you are interested you can click on the picture to the left and it will link to the article.

The groundwork to all happiness is health.- Leigh Hunt

Well, I have a picture that I know the ladies will find especially interesting, BUT, it may offend some people (you know who you are). So in lieu of viewing that picture, more proper people can simply view the naughty cat at the left...

And those of you who take your chances can click on this:

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.- Anonymous

It is a pity that not all of life is the romantic.-
Margaret Hopstein

Ken sends me an e-mail: "The girl on the wall with the crossing legs is Cindy. However, in contrast to prior months, the guy in the sleeping gown and hat and candle now has a name. Tell us what is going on?"

"Lots", is what is going on. Actually Ken's question is rhetorical- he knows what is going on.

Jay's name pops up when you put your mouse over the cartoon of the man in the nightshirt at the bottom of my webpage. Jay wears a nightshirt. Jay is very important to me.

The absolute yearning one of human body for another particular body and its indifference to substitutes is one of life's major mysteries.- Iris Murdoch

Joan Konner in the Feb. 2003 edition of Oprah magazine says: "the chemistry of connection can occur in an instant, the passage of time- along with friendship and respect- is a crucial element of grown-up love, what might be called enlightened love... Love, in other words, is transcending the ego to connect with another... We are conceptual differences. We don't even pull into the driveway the same way. But isn't that where love begins, in the difference- the otherness- that makes love possible, and necessary? Love is the mystery of union, the distance to be transcended, the fuel to cross an infinity. It's another kind of math. Two times Love equals One. We are One and not One, a paradox in being."

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.- Robert Heinlein (Stanger in a Strange Land)

Yes, that is my answer, and I'm sticking to it. Later man.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRENDA!!!
40 AND GOING STRONG...


It is a milestone today, 2/14/03, for our elegant "boss", Brenda. Her 40th birthday- yes, just a child. We all wish her well and hope for her a year of joy that is just the beginning... enjoy!

Don't deprive me of my age. I have earned it.- May Sarton

What I wanted to be when I grew up was in charge.- Wilma Vaught

If you don't want to get old, don't mellow.- Linda Ellerbee

Elegance does not consist of putting on a new dress.- Coco Chanel

It's more important what's in a woman's face than what's on it.- Claudette Colbert

We are all of us calling and calling across the incalculable gulfs which separate us...- David Grayson









Photos by Jay

BETTER WITH AGE

Things Learned in Childhood:
I liked my teacher because she cried when we sang "Silent Night".
When I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back.

Things Learned as Teens:
If you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.
Although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents were strict with me.

Things Learned as Young Adults:
Silent company is often more healing than words of advice.
There are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it.

Things Learned in Adulthood:
Brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures.
You can make someone's day by simply sending them a smile, or a kind little note or a word of encouragement.

Things Learned in Middle Age:
Life sometimes gives you a second chance.
Regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die.

Things Learned Moving On In Age:
No matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
Every day you should reach out and touch someone. That human touch- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back, is healing.

Things Learned in Old Age:
I still have a lot to learn.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY BARBARA!!!

It had been my repeated experience that when you said to life calmly and firmly (but very firmly!), "I trust you; do what you must," life had an uncanny way of responding to your need.- Olga Ilyin

Once again, Barbara's birthday has come and gone, and she is on to new adventures at a new age...

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.- Victor Borge

When you have an "I hate my job" day try this.

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by "Johnson and Johnson". Be sure you get this brand.

Change to very comfortable clothing. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on the table so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take out the material that comes with the thermometer and read it. You will notice that in small print there is this statement: "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested".

Now close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: "I am so glad I do not work for quality control at the Johnson and Johnson Company."

Have a nice day and remember there is always someone with a worse job than yours!

In the October 2002 edition of Ladies' Home Journal is an article about how to live healthier and longer lives. It has a section on sex, and I suspect the ladies in the photo just read it.

It says that there are psychological benefits of having sex- including stress reduction and increasing self-esteem, and that endorphins get released that make people feel good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is obvious.

It goes on to say that regular sex increases vaginal blood flow and improves the acid-base of the vagina- well, that is good. The meat of the section is the reference to a book by Dr. Michael Roizen, in which he says that having sex twice a week can add nearly two years to your life, and that having sex daily can increase your lifespan eight years... now there is food, or something, for thought.

Sex is hardly ever just about sex.- Shirley Maclaine

I ran across this interesting book cover on line at Barnes and Noble (www.bn.com). It reflects nothing about my state of mind, other than a tendency toward the bizarre...




Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Carol sent me this picture in a fowarded e-mail with a message about it making one (mostly females) feel safe. I am not sure if safety is what I feel when looking at nice, young male bodies...

Besides, feelings of safety and the military have not been related thoughts to me most of my life. The easiest way to vanquish an enemy is to make him your friend, or at least cohort. We need to do what the radical religious element in the middle east hates the most- eliminate trade barriers, open up their countries and destroy their youth by exposing them or immersing them in western commercialism. Doing what we do best- destroying other cultures, is this time the way to go...

Honor in war rarely, if ever, exists.

There is too much anger in Bush's face, and anger is not a primary emotion- it is always about something else.

Peace.

Everything can be taken from a man but...the last of human freedoms--to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.- Viktor E. Frankl (1905-1997), Psychiatrist and Auschwitz survivor

We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy.- Joseph Campbell (1904-1987), Mythology expert and writer

Am I going to run out of people stories? Don't hold your breath...

I have included the picture at left for this month's stories because they are not endearing stories- they are quite the opposite. They are stories of "bad guys", stories of disturbing encounters, stories about a part of the world I wish I knew nothing of, stories I have found myself telling over, and over, during the years. There are people who need to be locked up, who need to remain locked up- humanely locked up, but locked up nonetheless.

When I worked on the admissions unit at the state hospital I had a guy come in, being comitted after only being briefly out of the sexual offender unit at the prison. He had been stopped while in the process of abducting a little child from the yard of their home by a neighbor or passerby. I got to interview him. He very matter-of-factly explained to me that he had maxxed out on his prison sentence and that they would not allow him to stay any longer and so let him out. He calmly told me how he had waited out in the prison parking lot, hiding behind the cars. He was waiting for a particular female guard to come out so he could attack her and get back in, get back in to reunite with his lover who remained "inside". It was chilly, he got tired of waiting and walked down the street, taking the first opportunity he saw... but he had failed, and he was not inside the right place, the place with his lover. I'm not sure what happened after he left my unit- I would be very surprised to find that he had not eventually succeeded in commiting an act to get him back to where he wanted to be, "inside" the sexual offenders' unit.

While I was working at the state hospital I remember driving home and hearing something on the radio about a counselor at a mental health center being held captive at knifepoint- little did I know that I would get to meet that client a couple of years later. While working for the case management project I got a referral to come to the state hospital and screen a patient for admission to our program. I got there and found that the client had been admitted there as a danger to others, directly from the prison. He had maxxed out on his sentence and the prison thought he was too dangerous to simply discharge so they had him committed to the state hospital. Now, after almost two weeks there, the social worker thought he was just fine to refer to me, for one of my case managers to meet with in the community. And so I interviewed a charming young man, charming like all of the antisocial clients I have ever met. He got up in the day room and did a little dance for me (the hospital social worker thought he was cute doing this). I asked him about his plans for living in the community. He easily explained that he would not lie to me, that he would drink and use "a little" cocaine, but that this would not interfere with his medications, that he was sure his psychiatrist had told him that. I asked him about the incident that got him in prison, and he explained to me how he and the counselor had been friends, how he had been doing the counselor "a favor", that the counselor "wanted it". I asked him if he had ever been arrested before that, and he said he had but that it was a mistake, that he really did not rape his girlfriend, and that she too had "wanted it". When the social worker wanted to know if I accepted this young man as a client I told her no- she was disappointed.

These two men were very sick, so sick that they not only had no idea that they were sick, but they actually thought that their unthinkable deeds were not only justified but that their victims invited and wanted the acts. They were scary, truly scary. I have no doubt in my mind that they do not belong "on the outside". Right now, as I write, the state is being forced to place in the community dozens of sexual offenders now incarcerated on McNeil Island because the Federal courts have determined that these people have the right to get out, to be "on the outside". Isn't there a house for sale or rent next door to the home of that judge's grand daughter? Yes, that would be a good place to test his judgement. Sometimes the money is not, after all, where the mouth is. Or something like that.

Don't think about it too much.

I look in the mirror through the eyes of the child that was me.- Judy Collins

"The child within each of us is fragile, but very much alive, and she interprets our experiences before we are even conscious of them. It is our child who may fear new places, unfamiliar people, strange situations. Our child needs nurturing, the kind she may not have received in the past. We can take her hand, coax her along, let her know she won't be abandoned. No new place, unfamiliar person, or strange situation need overwhelm her.

It's quite amazing the strength that comes to us when we nurture ourselves, when we acknowledge the scared child within and hold her, making her secure. We face nothing alone. Together, we can face anything.

I will take care of my child today and won't abandon her to face, alone, any of the experiences the day may bring."

- from Hazelden Meditations, Each Day A New Begining (Daily Meditations for Women)

It has been Black History Month all month, and I am just now getting around to acknowledging that... At left is a picture from a 1963 civil rights protest march in Seattle.

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.- Eleanor Roosevelt

Every man has to seek in his own way to make his own self more noble and to realize his own true worth.- Albert Schweitzer

I HAVE A DREAM
by Martin Luther King, Jr.
Delivered on the steps at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C. on August 28, 1963:

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of captivity.

But one hundred years later, we must face the tragic fact that the Negro is still not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize an appalling condition.

In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men would be guaranteed the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check -- a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to open the doors of opportunity to all of God's children. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment and to underestimate the determination of the Negro. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny and their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose governor's lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, will be transformed into a situation where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith with which I return to the South. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous peaks of California!

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and every molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"



Opinions cannot survive if one has no chance to fight for them.- Thomas Mann

"Yesterday, Mr. Rogers's Web site, www.misterrogers.org, provided a link to help parents discuss his death with their children.

'Children have always known Mister Rogers as their `television friend,' and that relationship doesn't change with his death,' the site says.

'Remember,' it added, 'that Fred Rogers has always helped children know that feelings are natural and normal, and that happy times and sad times are part of everyone's life.'"

This was lifted from The New York Times- click on either picture and it will take you there.

But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?- Albert Camus

Good-bye gentle, happy soul.

CLICK for ongoing writings/quotes from JUDITH VIORST'S book: Necessary Losses
(Last Added to 02/17/03...)

If you have comments on my topics or content, please send them to me at:

Comments received from responding humans and my responses can be accessed by clicking on the picture of Ken's 1962 Wheel Horse Garden Tractor at left;
Ken was the originator of the idea for this...

Music: Click on Lips (Should be loaded about the 3rd try...) Carrie Akre, "Invitation" Page Created February 2003

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