Roaring Forward:
Heading Toward March's Changing Winds
March is heading in, full of energy, both pleasant and unpleasant. I have a couple of friends going through big changes right now, wondering how they got where they are. I too regret some of the decisions I have made, however life does not allow us the luxury of knowing the outcomes of the decisions we did not make, giving us a very limited data base to proceed with, only knowing the outcomes of the decisions we did make, and basing future decisions upon those limited outcomes or knowns.

God knows, there were so many paths we could have gone down, it is astounding now to look back and think about them, astounding that at the time we did not realize we were really making any portentious choices at all...

It is a funny world, funny life- feeling like that young girl inside, feeling like a wisened old codger, and feeling like you are still growing up, all at the same time.
Last fall I did an assessment for a 90 year old Romanian gentleman who had been in this country 3 years, using an interpreter. He is 5'10" but appears taller because of the way he holds himself. As we talked he took off on the subject of his life, he cried at times, telling how he had been a pilot in the army and was decorated twice with the golden cross. He had a small pile of very old documents that included the golden cross awards. He had been in the army when the Romanians were allied with Germany and then, later, Russia. He told how he had spoke out against the Russians and refused to join the communist party, so was expelled from the army- punishment was to work for years in a metal foundry despite being a well-educated man. He had to fight to try to get schooling for his daughter.

He spoke of distress at having come to this point in his life, and "for what?" having nothing... The interpreter said she had a hard time translating at times because the wording he was using was very old and some of the concepts had no equivalent in our language- ideas of lack of freedom. He talked about their saying that if a nail sticks up the Russians will pound it down, referring to people who stood out as leaders or intellectuals being targeted to eliminate their influence, keeping only the mundane people that they could keep control of. It was fascinating; I told him that it was a wonderful story, would be a great movie-- Anthony Quinn as him (which the interpreter thought was perfect), and he responded that he had started writing it down when he came to the US but now he loses his train of thought and simply cannot tackle the tasks, he cried some more... As this occurred I thought that all any of us have in the end is our story, and I almost reached across to hold his hand and tell him that, but my gut told me that he could not bear this information, so I did not.

Later I reflected, wondered at my resistance to my impulse, something newer for me. Is that all we really have in the end, our story? The story is important but the feelings are the most important to me- but am I just mixing in the ego again?  The feelings the story evokes to me are the essence of the story, the feelings are in us for a reason, the reason is to feel, to feel the stories... An interesting afternoon to reflect upon.

There is a large Russian population here, one of my co-workers is Russian and does many of those referrals. Margaret was talking the next day about a play she had gone to the night before, how different it is here, that in Russia the arts were a means of expressing some ideas you could not otherwise express, thereby squeezing out a little bit of freedom from life- how going to plays there had underlying meaning for them, that certain lines would evoke all kinds of emotions...
The lovely and gracious, Margaret.
On Feb. 27th my office had a wonderful potluck celebration for Black History Month. It drew a large crowd and the food was plentiful, diverse and declicious. We are blessed with having a wonderful diversity of staff and talent. We were treated to the violin by Ed, heart-warming singing by Alvin and the smooth assistance of Gene, in addition to a number of other people who came together and made the whole event enjoyable.

The picture at the left is in Seattle and links to a web page with information on Seattle's Black History- check it out...
Jess and Ruth had their own way of dealing with partying neighbors who passed out in their yard.

Try not to pass out in Jess and Ruth's yard on your birthday.

Happy Birthday Rhetta!!!
Guess I will never reach the heights of an eastern-type enlightenment, I am too oppositional: I do not want to just observe myself all the time, I want to do it in fits and starts, and in between I want to FEEL the world and be part of it- we are not here to be separate from the world, we are here to feel it's wonder with all of our beautiful senses and, mostly,
 to feel each other, to feel ourselves.
Some of the messages we receive in our waking hours are as difficult to decipher as dreams, and sometimes they explain themselves after all.